The year’s around 1980-ish and I’m ten; and Prince Charles was visiting Burnley General for some reason or other. I remember a teacher walking into our classroom and saying we’d been chosen or offered a number of invites (read: kiddies to pad out the throngs) to gleefully cheer our next trophy-eared King.

Being the fair-minded chap I am I suggested drawing straws. Nobody seemed overly interested in that as a concept seeming an equal number of boys and girls were asked to turn up and the number of boys in our class was the number of boys expected. Cue bitch-fight.

I don’t remember much other than standing right at the front of the Burnley masses, plastic Union Jack in hand, camera around neck whilst sheltering from the elements in a knee-length green kagoul.  Although I do remember being yanked from my vantage point by my hood by our teacher and shrieked at for wandering off on my own – in full view of everybody.

To this day I still don’t think I was in the wrong. I’d gone to see the Prince of Wales and I’d wormed my way into what I thought the best spot. Fortunately, the kind people behind me took pity and allowed me back after my bollocking.

So, the thought of the not-so bonny Prince visiting Burnley again sets me off on some form of anxiety attack – well I struggle to catch my breath as I think of my industrial-strength zipper pressing hard into my windpipe.

Anyway, at least this time round he’s got his own Burnley shirt (more pics):

We didn’t bankrupt the club with the cost of lettering.

I shudder to think what Owen Coyle would’ve been like had he not trotted off down the A666. Expected Prince Charles to bow I would imagine.

But we haven’t been short of our own royalty round here y’know. That is, if you consider Obama turning up at Lorain County Community College a royal visit just down the road from my father-in-law’s house in Elyria.

Here are a couple of pictures of him at LCCC’s Wind Turbine Manufacturing and Fabrication Lab:

Obama’s customary fist bump.(SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

Looks like somebody’s got a man-crush…(SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images)

And to think, if I’d broken ranks to wave flags at yon President I’d probably have been shot.

We all know that first week back after Christmas and New Year can be a lonely and desperate time. Just ask Jasper. Many’s the time he can be seen skulking in the steel racks for hours on end when it’s quiet with nary a peep out of him.

I sincerely hope he’s not up to what this geezer in a Southampton fabrication shop has been up to:

A MAN who got his genitalia stuck in a steel pipe had to be cut free by eight firefighters using an industrial grinder. The heavy duty cutting gear had to be used to remove the three-inch long hollow pipe after medics were unable to release it. The painstaking operation, which involved eight firefighters, took around an hour.

The drama began after the man took himself to the accident and emergency department of Southampton General Hospital.

Restricted blood flow had left the man in a state of arousal, and unable to remove the pipe.

Staff there were so concerned that they phoned the emergency services and a crew from Redbridge Fire Station were initially dispatched. But they had to bring in backup from St Mary’s station which has a fire truck equipped with specialist cutting gear. A disc gutter cutter, with a four-and-a-half-inch blade, was used to slice open the stainless steel pipe.

The man, in his 30s, offered no explanation for his predicament but was said to be “quite concerned and anxious”. He had been given an anaesthetic to prepare for the procedure.

St Mary’s crew manager Adrian Johnson said: “It was a very delicate operation. We did not want anything heating up.

The person who did it deserves a commendation for his nerve and steady hand.”

Meanwhile, watch manager Greg Garrett from Redbridge station added: “I’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. It’s not a daily occurrence.”

The man’s private parts were left bruised and swollen.

I’m generally fairly reluctant to post entire articles seeming it goes against Rupert Murdoch’s grain, but I really didn’t know which bits to cut out (as the fireman said to the bloke with his knob stuck in a steel tube). I mean, this is why you’d love to be a local journalist. Maybe a fireman as well, but not the guy doing the angle grinding or holding the pipe steady.

However, feel free to go and enjoy yourselves in the comments to the article.

Wednesday 11th November 2009 at the National Metalforming Centre, West Bromwich.

We found your company details on the internet and thought that you may be interested in this event.

At the one-day event, all the essentials about working with stainless steel will be addressed. The workshop will concentrate on practical help, including advice concerning grade selection, fabrication, welding ‘dos and don’ts’ and will also highlight the importance of post-fabrication cleaning.

Specialists from Outokumpu Stainless, TWI, BSSA and member companies will outline best welding practices and correct some misconceptions concerning fabricating with stainless steel. There will also be speakers who will give an insight into using stainless steel in particular projects including the Beckton Desalination plant, being built in time of the London Olympics, and other projects.

The workshop should interest anyone already involved in the fabrication of products in stainless steel but equally will be of interest for those with little or no experience of working with the material.

The event is organised by TWI, Outokumpu Stainless and the BSSA and supported by the Association of Welding Distributors and the Welding & Joining Society. Both TWI and IOM3 accredit the workshop as a CPD event.

Space is limited and previous workshops have been well attended, so early booking is recommended. The enrolment fee is £70 + VAT and includes a copy of the workshop handbook, lunch and refreshments.

For further information please follow this link to the event page on the BSSA website: http://www.bssa.org.uk/events.php?id=573, or find the event flyer/ programme/ booking form attached for your convenience.

For further assistance please contact Lucy Gubbins on 0114 267 1260 or lucy.gubbins@bssa.org.uk

Like a rather dubious film sequel that you had little, if no idea that had an original trots this imaginatively titled pdf from our favourite stainless steel folks, Euro Inox:

Dear subscriber,

Decades of experience have shown that stainless steel is an exceptionally neutral and corrosion resistant material. For this reason, it is normal choice, e.g. in the food industry, in pharmaceutical production or for medical devices. Over the last few years, there has been extensive research into the behaviour of materials in applications that pertain to human health. The new brochure STAINLESS STEEL: WHEN HEALTH COMES FIRST summarises the currently available accepted results about stainless steel. The publication is available from the Euro Inox website:

http://www.euro-inox.org/fla_171_EN.html.

If you would prefer to receive a printed copy, please do not hesitate to send an e-mail to info@euro-inox.org mentioning the key word HEALTH PUBLICATION and your mailing address.

Manufacturing Technology Scotland 2009

11th & 12th November, SECC, Glasgow

For companies looking to source new business and beat the recession there is no better opportunity in 2009 than to exhibit at the Manufacturing Technology Scotland Exhibition. Launched by ETES after repeated requests from exhibitors and visitors alike, it is the first Manufacturing & Technology led regional exhibition to take place in Scotland for over five years. Often overlooked and under-explored by UK suppliers, Scotland has a strong manufacturing base that covers some of the most dynamic sectors in the market today:

Aerospace Manufacturers – £2.1 billion in annual turnover from 150 world-class aerospace companies employing 18,000 people.
Electronics Manufacturers – 55,000 employees & a total global end market that is worth more than $1 trillion annually, of that Specialist Electronics Manufacture accounts for $21 billion.
Energy Manufacturers – we all know about Oil & Gas, but what about the emerging renewable energies? Already wind energy alone generates £7.5 billion annually with 1500 companies employing more than 50,000 people in manufacturing.
Food & Drink Manufacturers – worth over £7.5 billion annually to manufacturing with 1200+ companies employing more than 45,000 people.

Register here if you interested in attending or exhibiting or wish to attend one of the free seminars. (Just don’t let Jasper know or he’ll be after a free trip back up to the motherland.)