The only thing that surprised me when I was informed last week that Jasper had turned 50 was that I thought he’d already turned 50 four years ago.

Sorry Jasper, time hasn’t been so kind.

Who can forget the great Jasper giveaway?

Jasper - Pvt Frazer meets Clyde the Orangutan.

Or the time Craig wrote his name in fag butts next to his bench.

(Not a docker amongst them.)

Happy birthday sunbeam - I shall raise a glass of cheap cooking sherry in your honour so long as I can actually find a bottle of it in the first place.

Now here’s a customer rewards scheme that may tickle your fancy.

Apparently, there’s a Polish hardware store that’s offering an hour in a local house of ill-repute if you manage to spend 10,000 zlotys or more on goods from their establishment.

Now I’m sure this is where you expect me to start rhyming off double entendres a plenty, but who am I to drag things into the gutter on a Friday morning?

Besides, this lass has already done a sterling job on that score.

However, it did get me thinking about Butler sheet metal or Tinpot Alley rewarding its loyal customer base in some innovative fashion.

Then again, it only seems fair that we offer something for the ladies as opposed to just something for the weekend for the gentlemen.

Subsequently, as a second prize we could maybe offer Jasper for an hour.

You have to picture Jasper as a cross between the doom-laden Pvt Frazer from Dad’s Army and Clyde the Orangutan slightly washed up after fame and fortune deserted him.

Obviously, the first prize would be Jasper for ten minutes.